Indri’s Blog

http://indrinathania.blogspot.com/

I found my self settling into my new bedroom late last month.

For the first time in about 3 years I have gained my own space…

I like it. I like it a lot.

My new "own space" also comes with a window that actually has a view. Nothing special, just a view of some of the city’s tall buildings, and at clear nights, I get to see the sky from just lying on my bed…tonight there are no stars in the sky though.

These next few weeks, i will be having more of "my own space" than I could ask for. That is the story of my life during summer.

But still, I pulled up the blinds, winded the window open a little, and enjoy my view as I fall asleep. And try not to think too much about the uncertain.

But I can’t help it to have a little hope.

Can I be your personal Penguin? Please…

summer is literally just around the corner. as sidqie has written in his latest post, summer is the time when melbourne doesn’t feel so much like home to us as we envy many of our friends who are spending their summer overseas with their families and loved ones. it’s true that melbourne won’ t be the same without the usual crowd. but this will give us the chance to miss them and enjoy their company more at their return next year. but summer to me also means…the queen victoria night market on wednesdays…longer daylights everyday…reading under that shade in the garden…long strolls along the beach…gelato…moonlight cinema
unfortunately this also means being another summer away from mama, papa, alba and nisa. missing out on friends’ weddings. and other ex-melbournian gatherings. but adult life is full of sacrifices. i will sacrifice the above to get myself back on my feet. work really hard and smart. try to achieve my goals. a long way to go for indri.

verao is the portuguese for summer. at the end of last verao Allah has united me with a dear friend from childhood. every person that I allow into my life leaves a certain mark. she doesn’t realise that her presence has added meaning and warmth into my life. i know and feel also that under that beautiful and bubbly personality hides a heart that pains. i know that things hasn’t gone according to plan for her. i feel her pain. the pain that is due to the tests that she is being put under. i also believe that Allah tests those He loves, so we can prove our worth. but she is strong. the strongest i’ve ever known. i’m still learning to accept the fact that this verao she is leaving melbourne and I. i do know that it is for the better insyaAllah.

eu te amo muito, querida. toma cuidado, ta…seja forte. eu so quero te dizer que eu estou aqui para voce…

(i want vegemite toast now. random)

you are here for your family, indri. received a reality smack right through my face today. selfish! irresponsible. i’m paying for my own actions. in fact, i’m not the only one suffering the consequences of my actions. i have been selfish for too long. feet back on the ground. work hard. and smart. there isn’t time for the uncertain. motivate your self idiot! put yourself together. (kumohon maafkan ku)

Melbourne summer is teasing us. If it was a 3-course meal at a restaurant, today’s weather was like its entree, that came in a small portion but just enough to satisfy the taste buds and to serve as an initial comfort to the hungry stomach. No it wasn’t very summerish today, but sunny enough to wear my over-sized sunglasses, sit on one of the garden’s bench and spend over an hour writing and appreciating the time alone (plus getting some vitamin D!).

Hang on. Let’s rewind a little. Today being Monday, how did I get the time to bludge in the gardens being a Monday and all. You must be thinking that I skipped class. I happened to have gone to my class this very morning, thank you very much! Only to find out that there was no class after all as tomorrow is Melbourne Cup Day! Great! And this announcement was given to all the students last week, but of course I didn’t know about this as I didn’t attend class last week (the only time I’ve ever missed class in this course).  I think I felt annoyed when I heard from the lady at the office the confirmation of "no classes today"…I mean, I could’ve done other things this morning (yeah right, sleeping in…). But I think I felt more relieved and glad than annoyed that there was no class. So, as I drove along Sydney Rd back home, in my head I was listing all the things I could do with my free day. Amongst them were:

1) Visit Paula at Dingle as it was her last day at work.
2) Get some stationery from Officeworks for my assignments including a red lever arch folder (it just has to be red)
3) Go to Flagstaff Garden, enjoy the sun and finish off the letter I started writing for Elia and post it
4) Study at the garden
5) Catch up with Rizka and Kak Tessa

And to my amazement, I got all of the above done except point number 4. Hehe, I have an excuse for this…yes I do, it got too cold in the gardens by the time I finished Elia’s letter so I went home to study with Noi and Mira, but the King just made me too sleepy so I had a nap instead…and just to make my self feel I little better, I did do some reading before I took the nap.

Oh, when I was at the gardens, a little toddler wearing a pink jacket approached me from no where. She just stood there smiling and waving at me for about 5 minutes. The little thing made me smile silly…the amazing warm bubbly feeling kids can give me. i love it! But of course, her daddy came to fetch her not long after.

That night I had dinner with Rizka, Kak Tessa (Rizka’s sister) and Mira at Alamaro. I had my favourite ‘Peppercorn steak-medium rare with garden salad’, while the others had some impressive choice of dishes too.It was Rizka’s treat. (Thank you Rizzie querida! - oh yeah, and great driving…keep it up menina!) The main course followed by great lebanese dessert and the best pistachio gelato in town!  The highlight of the night,  besides the great food, how I was finishing everyone’s left overs (you MUST NOT waste food) and the great company, was the fact that there I was with my childhood buddy Rizka and her sis Kak Tes speaking in Portuguese! And how fluent is Kak Tess! Poor Mira, didn’t understand a word we were saying, but to Mira’s rescue Rizka acted as the translator, so it was ok. It got me thinking, I want to speak it fluently again. Kak Tess suggested that I should probably get a casual job at the Brazilian or Portuguese Consulate. Kak Tess, i love that idea!

But maybe I should finish my Childrens Services course first. yup…

Oh, "Terpesona" by Glenn Fredly is playing in the background as I write. Actually it has been playing on repeat mode since 2 days ago…hehe…kasian anak Kings udah pada bosen kali…

Anyways, we went home to taste some of Mira’s chai tea (one of my faves).

I haven’t written a post like this in ages. I just felt that today deserved a post on its own. Nothing overly exciting about today. Only that, today I read a blog post from a dear friend I haven’t heard from in months. Welcome back to Melbourne Nidya. I miss you and your writing. I didn’t know she had gone to spend some time with her family. "See, blogs keep us in touch with our friends", i thought. And more importantly, today I was my self and I felt content. Also, I learned that I can if I wanted to, hold any kinds of temptation even if it feels that it kills. Today, I learned to minimised how much I miss someone. I think I can do it. I know I can do it! For Allah SWT.

Mama also sms-ed me, she said she received the items I sent her, she also mentioned that she saw a current photo of me and she’s happy about how I look a bit chubbier. Today also, I received a hand-written letter from papa. Oh…mama-papa, i am there in spirit. right there…home with you.

And today, Noi turned 21. Semoga tambah solihah ya noinoi sayang (So did Jemi, a friend from my high school years, who turned 27…hope you’re well, wherever you are, Jem)

Breath in. Breath out. All smiles. Alhamdulillah.

No one…can get in the way of what I’m feeling.

we’ll let it flow.

jauh di perantauan, diantara komunitas yang minoritas, jauh dari orang2 yang kucintai, alhamdulillah ku telah dipertemukan dengan orang2 yg seiman dan sehati.
but for all the beautiful voices i’ve heard recite the irreplaceable verses of the Qur’an, i miss yours the most. it’s been too long since the last time you led me in our prayers. tiada suara yg menggetarkan hatiku seperti suaramu. dari mulut mu pertama kali kudengar suara adzan yang kau hembuskan di telinga kananku. ini Ramadan yg kesekian kalinya tanpamu. kurindu engkau Papa Abdul Razak Abdullah.

ps: untuk teman baik baruku, terima kasih kamu telah membuatku ingin menjadi indri yang lebih baik, yang lebih solihah. semoga Allah membalas semua kebaikkan2 mu…kebaikan2 yang mungkin tak kau sadari..tapi sangat berarti bagiku, insyaAllah.

today was better than yesterday. this Sunday just gone i was much happier with my performance than many Sundays gone. this week i felt more inspired and motivated than last week. this month has been sunnier than last month. friday,  31st of August 2007, understood that actions speak louder than words. the solution to all my problems and to achieve a more fulfilling life: 1) sincerity, 2) night sholat and 3) charity (sadaqah). from silentcompanion to silenttreatment. seeing you this time around: stronger than last time. out of sight out of mind? maybe. I’m at fault. (sigh)

old habits are hard to get unaccustomed to. getting there seems a long way away. slowly learning to let go. forgive. forget. settle heart. stabilise emotions. accept the truth. (i’m sorry…sigh)